Almost Forgot How

That was some hiatus.

I have no excuses. I allocate my time poorly when not bound by an enforced schedule. Plus the Internet, she sings the siren song and leads me astray to dash my good intentions against the jagged rocks of my Favorites menu. Do not Tread this Path, curious Pilgrim, lest ye Kill four Hours and Tempt the Wrath of thine Spouse.

Attended the tent sale at Joe’s last Thursday and bought a couple new pairs of kicks pretty much at the insistence of the missus, who for some reason believes the world at large will judge her for my admittedly lackluster approach to personal dressing habits. It’s true, my work sneakers were approximately eight years old and had started to look as if they were molting to set free a pair of sandals, but they were comfy. What do I care what my workmates think? It’s not a singles mixer, for Christ’s sake. But no, I had to wade and wedge between racks and racks of clothing and shoes with about a three million other citizens who’d lost their minds when we all decided to go shopping immediately after work. Seriously, I simply can’t imagine a better way to follow up the workday than shuffling in circles with a bunch of other tired, annoyed folks. On an empty stomach, yet. I finally worked out that the faint rumbling noise I kept hearing was everyone else’s stomachs clamoring to be fed too. After a bit it sounded like a language. A grumpy language.

By the way, is there anything sillier than putting on a new pair of shoes straight from the box, taking perhaps five whole strides in them, and saying to yourself “Yes! Perfect!” as if those few steps are an adequate test of footwear you’ll soon be wearing all day? My work sneakers felt terrific at the store (uh, tent); wore ’em to work the next day and by noon it felt like I was standing on a church pew. Stores should provide lease-to-own options on shoes.

The danger of shopping for me is that, too often, my inside voice shoves it’s way out the screen door and stands on the front porch in it’s tatty undershorts. The missus says “Ohh, these are nice, what do you think?”, and I’ll wander over and say something like “Yeah, those aren’t bad at all. How much?” I’ll read the price tag. “F***, MY EYES!“. I’ll turn to look at my wife in disbelief, but she’s suddenly become intensely interested in something else at the end of the aisle. It’s a pity when it happens in a restaurant, because her avenues of escape are limited. She’s learned to shrug and smile apologetically and simply say “Tourette’s”.

So two pairs of shoes and five t-shirts and one pair of shorts later we finally queued up to make our escape. There was a woman with one arm in a cast standing sentry at the exit (tent flap) checking shoppers’ receipts. I wondered about the arm; was it a non-work-related injury? Or did she bust her elbow across a would-be thief’s jaw? I sort of prefer the latter scenario. By the time we were out of there I’d wanted to use my own elbow a few times.

I just had a vacation and here I am looking forward to taking more time away. This next time will be closer to home, however, because as fun as the trip to Dallas was, it wasn’t all that relaxing. I can’t really relax in other peoples’ homes. It doesn’t matter if they’re related to me, I’m just not fully at ease in any environment save my own. A nice three-day weekend where I can loll on the sofa and eat popcorn and watch television or read sounds ideal. Cripes, a nap now sounds nice; why do I get up so damned early on weekends? (Answer: A cat who could give a crap about what day it is, time to get yo’ ass up and make wiff da tuna, punk!)

Just for different I’m providing below a short list of websites I like. No particular order of importance, just places I like to visit.

EuphoricArythmia — Nice forums, nice folks. I go by ‘Rob of Earth’ there.

ForumGarden — Same here. I’m ‘The Rob’ when I log in.

YourHomeForum — Aaaand another one. Look for ‘I, Rob’ here, if you’ve a mind.

Mike’s Amazing World of DC Comics — I love comic books and graphic novels.

Alien Loves Predator — It’s warped. I love it.

Wondermark — A favorite online comic. Genius.

What sounds good for breakfast? Any freakin’ thing right now. Time to join the missus at table and peruse the morning newspaper. See ya.


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