I’ll Regret This

We’ve revisited winter this last week, and I contracted a cold at the very same time. So, yeah, go me.

I’ve managed to work through it, but it hasn’t been pleasant what with having to constantly traipse into the warm and cozy environs of the Eloi to deliver bits of paper and then rejoin my fellow Morlocks in the heat-starved caverns. I’ve so far managed to deal with it by imagining myself an agent of germ warfare; they’ll start dropping in their tracks this next week.

Yesterday we had every sort of weather imaginable: snow, sleet, hail, rain, wind, sun. I never look at any day as “miserable”, but I’ll admit I’m looking forward to warm, clear, sunny days. Not that I could fully enjoy a day like that at the moment seeing as how I can’t manage to inflate my lungs all the way, but it would at least be nice to look at from inside. I could at least go out to the parking lot to wash my bike. It would be nice to do SOMETHING with it, because I haven’t ridden it in a week.

Boy, this is one sad sack of a blog entry. Maybe I should do one of those horrid “100 Things About Me” lists. I doubt I’d get very far unless I included shoe size and the like, but it might be elucidating. At least it would fill the blank space so I could stop doing this and go do something one Hell of a lot more engaging.

The First Twenty-Five Of A List Of One Hundred Things About Me That You’ll Probably Wish I hadn’t Bothered To Write

1. I am of Dutch, Cherokee, and Irish lineage (The Dutch explains my miserly ways and the Irish and Cherokee throws some light on the drinking).

2. I may be an alcoholic.

3. I hate being touched, especially around the shoulders. People often do this for fun and I try to laugh it off, but I really want to cripple them for it.

4. I have a fear of heights.

5. When I was a kid I looked just like the fat kid in The Far Side comic strips, the one with the buzz cut and the coke-bottle eyeglasses. Boy, there’s some fond memories of my formative years.

6. My favorite ice cream flavor is tiramisu. Actually, tiramisu is a favorite dessert.

7. I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. (Okay, I’m lying, that’s a line from There Will Be Blood. I might lie here and there in this list. More fun for me.)

8. When first meeting people I always assume they will dissappoint me in some way.

9. When first meeting people I always assume I’ll dissappoint them in some way.

10. I hate talking on the ’phone.

11. I hate waiting for others to stop talking on their goddamned ’phones.

12. I was born in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio in 1959. The Cuyahoga River caught fire in Cleveland in 1969, so I’m clear.

13. I love looking at lovely women, but it’s an aesthetic that has almost nothing to do with sexuality, or at least it rarely involves sexual fantasy of the sort that includes me. I think this means that I admire a woman’s appearance as an open-minded homosexual man would. Ye Gods, this bears thinking about.

14. I believe sex is vastly over-rated.

15. The smell of marijuana makes me physically ill. I don’t want that stuff anywhere near me.

16. I’ve decided that I lack the organizational skills and the discipline to be a successful serial killer. Not that I had any concrete plan to be one. It’s just a thought I had while watching Dexter the other night. Really, it just looks like it would be exhausting.

17. I despise bigots and will publicly ridicule them at every opportunity.

18. I enjoy listening to Jimi Hendrix while blogging. Jimi Hendrix, as a musician, is one of the few icons I willingly embrace from that era. All the rest of that “hippy” crap leaves me cold.

19. I’m in love with the idea of a benevolent God, but in truth I think the Earth (Gaia) is the closest thing to the concept. Gaia isn’t consciously benevolent, but it takes no stretch to understand that the better we treat Her, the better off we are.

20. I used to enjoy acting on the stage, and did quite a few plays in civic theater. When I was younger I wanted to go professional, but that was back when it felt as if it was the only thing I would ever do well.

21. I think I’ll never be half the man my father was, and I still miss him.

22. I haven’t had a physical fight in fifteen years. I’ve actually had relatively few fights, perhaps because when pushed I do “Cuh-RAY-Zay” pretty convincingly.

23. I loath being photographed by other people and will never submit to it gracefully. Go steal someone else’s soul.

24. I’m physically modest to a fault.

25. I’m a high-functioning sociopath.

I had to change the title of the list because this is hard work, man.

Do you feel cheated out of five minutes and a worthwhile blog entry? You should.


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