Liked It So Much I Wrote it Twice!

This is actually the second go for this entry.  I typed the entire thing and then lost it when I attempted to edit the title.  I don’t believe I can convey just how livid I am at this moment.  That’s never going to happen again.  From now on it’s WordPad first.  Jesus Christ.

This has not been a good month.  At all.  Over the last three weeks the missus and I have suffered a two-stage malady that first stuffed our heads and lungs with cotton and lard and then pulled our intestines inside out through our gullets.  It’s possible we each had two separate illnesses in sequence (I’ve always understood that intestinal distress is bacterial, not viral), in which case we truly did suffer an embarrassment of riches.  I’m nearly fully recovered, but the missus is still somewhat of a fly-blown husk.  I’ve spent few days at the gym and just as few days on the bike.  I’m looking forward to next week.

Happy Seasonings to you all.  Guess what?  Way out of character for me but necessitated by the continuing antiquation of this beige box before which I toil, I went willingly into a mall.  You should be tittering into your hebal teas right now y’all, because I absolutely loath malls.  People lose their minds, their peripheral vision, and a great deal of their sense of courtesy in malls (and yes, in supermarkets as well, but I will occasionally join the herd in search of food even if the process is distasteful), and so ordinarily you couldn’t get me into a mall without first administering either a syringe or a mallet.  So imagine how I feel about malls during this time of year.  When I first saw Dawn of the Dead (the 1978 original with the classic, slow-moving and moaning zombies, not the remake featuring the shrieking undead pelting along like Carl Lewis), I turned to my companion and whispered “I thought this was a zombie movie.  This is just the security cam at Red Bird”.

We went in search of the Dell kiosk.  This is actually a pretty painful process for me because the hard truth is that I’m a piker when it comes to spending money.  I believe that price should be based upon weight, which is why my wife has such a difficult time getting me into a shoe store.  Chances are I’ll never own an mp3 player, at least not until after everyone else has had their skulls hard-wired for entertainment media and the prices for players drop to the value of pocket lint.  I love gadgets even when I don’t know how to use them, but anything more technologically advanced than a post-it! pad quickly soars beyond three digits and I just find that appalling.  I don’t know why I’m such a miser.  I didn’t have a particularly impoverished childhood (my parents might have had a differing point of view seeing as how they were the ones actually paying for everything) so I don’t know why I feel the need to hoard pennies.  Actually?  That’s a lie.  I know why I’m a miser.  It’s because money flies away no matter how desperately I try to keep it.  So I’m a poor miser.  My misering skills are meager.  I’m a miser, just not all that wise, huh!, giveitaway giveitaway giveitaway now!

Anyway.  I had a specific computer model in mind, one that is terribly expensive (to me) for less power than I desired but I was really trying to cowboy up and serve our budget.  I was being an adult.  I had even done the research and had printed out the specs we wanted.  I showed the printout to the missus before we went to the mall.  She smiled and nodded.  She is seemingly pleased that she has married a thoughtful adult.  We drove to the mall (*shudder*) and upon locating the Dell kiosk we approached a sales rep.

Sales Guy:  “Hello, can I help you folks?”

Me:  “Yes, please.  We would like to purchase a computer.  Here is the printout of the specifications we wish to have included.  I have been a responsible adult in doing my research for this item and even though it still feels as if I’m asking to be rolled like a Burnside drunk, I think this model best suits our needs while doing minimal damage to our paltry finances.”

Wife:  “But what about the sleek black one with the nice graphics card you said you’d rather have?  Don’t you want to ask about that one?”

Me:  “…”  (I can’t speak for a moment but I’m trying like mad to spontaneously learn telepathy so that I can ask her via psychic link what the Hell she’s doing, assure her that I love her as no other entity in the unknowable Universe and without her I am mere grit but DAMN, you are plucking my testicles like grapes here!  BUDGET!)

Sales Guy (thinking):  I ought to offer this lady a percentage.  Ka-CHING!

So now we own a Dell XPS 420.

Yes, I’m happy, or will be when we finally take delivery of the thing.  Shipment has already been delayed once and in all likelihood we won’t receive it until after Christmas.  Given the time of year and the fact that half the nation is iced up this is disappointing but not unanticipated.  Meanwhile my wife went behind my back and bought both F.E.A.R. and Bioshock so that I may properly christen that fairly screamin’ video card.  Pity I can’t play them now, but this box would actually spout smoke and tip over if I attempted it.

I’m still aching to see this month over, though.

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