Antici………….pation

On March 12 my missus is going under the knife.  The surgeon intends to do some bony origami (band name!) to her spine in an effort to stem nerve damage and hopefully ease the pain she’s suffered these last two years.  If I can find illustrations on-line of the procedure she faces I’ll post them here, but as I understand it the surgeon will hack away some spine and insert a bunch of screws and maybe a bracket or two, fusing three vertebrae together.  In comparison, my own spinal adventure some years ago was an afternoon nap.

She’ll be recuperating for weeks at home — full recovery expected in three to six months (!) — and I’ll spend the first two weeks at home with her.  The surgeon assured her that she would spend these first two weeks convinced that she made a horrible mistake.  So yeah.  Great.

The hospital wherein the surgery will take place is St. Vincent’s, where they keep all the scary nun portraits.  Of course she couldn’t have it at Providence Milwaukie, because that would be convenient.  So I have to learn the route to St. Vincent’s on SW Barnes, and those who know me know how daunting this is for me.  I’m directionally dyslexic; if you think I crack the joke, well the joke she is not cracked.  I simply do not have a sense of direction, so finding and learning new routes is quite frustrating.  At least I’ll be in the car alone (I assume) so that I don’t have to weather mind-numbingly stupid questions from passengers such as “Where are you going?”, “Why are you turning here?”, “You don’t know where it is?  Seriously?” and “Open my door??  Dude, we’re doin’ sixty!”.

Since I won’t be any good to her if I go mad, I have to get regular about going to the gym, and keeping up the riding even if I’m not commuting to work.  My own spine doesn’t do sitting around very well at all, plus I’ll need some stress-relief.  I love her dearly, my missus, but if she follows through with that threat to buy one of those fookin’ little bells so she can “ring for service”, her recovery might be prolonged.

We visited friends in Keizer yesterday (and thanks again, Dennis and Donna, for the hospitality and the good talk; we missed it and we missed you.  Best of luck with everything.) and it’s the longest time we’ve spent in the car in quite awhile.  The drive itself was a pleasant outing, but man!, I hate I-5.  I hate highways, period.  I feel very fortunate that I don’t have to use one very often because I swear I can actually feel myself devolve when driving (or even riding) on one.  Fifteen continuous minutes on a freeway and I feel like I should be standing on the roof in leather firing a shotgun ala The RoadWarrior. I’m not a huge fan of the general populace anyway, and my demeanor further degrades when I have to share the road with them.  Depleting the fossil fuels may be a blessing in disguise.  And we won’t discuss cell phone usage in moving vehicles lest I have to replace my keyboard afterward.

The day awaits.  See ya.

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